What is the "orgasm gap"?

Sexologist Alice Child explains what the orgasm gap is and why the orgasm gap exists!

What is the orgasm gap?

The orgasm gap is a term used to describe the fact that statistically heterosexual women orgasm far less than heterosexual men in relationships.

Why do some women struggle to achieve orgasm? 

It's actually very very common for women and vulva owners to find it very difficult (or even impossible) to orgasm - especially with a partner. There are all sorts of reasons for this, and helping women learn how to orgasm is one of the major things I help women with.

There are many reasons for this, including:

• Lack of research : Female sex and pleasure has been chronically under funded, stigmatised, and under prioritised in the medical and scientific communities, meaning even experts are still learning.
• Feeling pressure / making O the goal - Sadly, our culture places an exaggerated emphasis on ‘performance’ and ‘achievement’ in the bedroom, and nearly always makes orgasm the ‘goal’ or ‘end point’. The pressure to meet unrealistic expectations or to orgasm often makes reaching orgasm even harder! Pressure is NOT sexy. 
• Sexual shame - Many people are raised to think sex is dirty, shameful or embarrassing. This impacts their ability to feel worthy of pleasure and enjoy sex.
• Struggling to receive/ surrender: Many people find it easier to give pleasure than to receive it. And orgasms require us to surrender and let go, which can feel very vulnerable. 
• Bad sex education: The sex education we receive in life is not good enough. This means most people don’t have the confidence, knowledge or skills to know what they like, how to ask for it, how to ask for feedback, and how to make themselves (or a partner) build arousal. People therefore think that female pleasure is a ‘mystery’ - it’s not! We just need to be taught. 
• Silence/awkwardness. Many people feel uncomfortable or awkward talking about their desires, needs, and preferences in the bedroom. There is a huge cone of silence and shame that surrounds sex. But if you can’t ask for what you need in order to reach orgasm, you are much less likely to get it! 
• Sex with a new partner: It’s often much harder to reach the big O with a new partner. This is because you’re more likely to be nervous, want to impress, and you are both still learning each other’s bodies.